A life lost
by Ardastra
Summary: After the war Hermione suddenly disappear one day. For years her friends look for her, and finally she is found. But she has no memory of who she is, or of the wizarding world. Only one man can help her find out what is blocking her mind, and he is not pleased about it, not at all. A bit of silly lemony fluff, rated M for language and later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys!

This is going to be a short story that will be a lemony fluff, I think... :o)

I hope you will enjoy it, the chapters will be rather short, but at least in theory the updates should not take too long.

Snape did not die, the epilogue does not exist and I am only humbly playing around with Rowlings wonderful characters, all belongs to her, I am just borrowing them for a bit.

...

Mc Gonagall came rushing into the private room at the Leaky Cauldron looking flushed, but with a rare smile on her face. "We have found her!" she exclaimed.

Snape who had waited far too long for his own liking, probably two minutes or so even looked up from his Daily Prophet at the only woman he almost felt comfortable calling a friend. Well perhaps not friend, but semi interesting aquaintance at least.

"Who are you talking about Minerva?" he asked while slowly folding up the paper and placing it on the table.

Mc Gonagall took up her wand and muttered a few quick privacy incantations before turning back towards Snape.

"Hermione! After being lost for ten years, we find her in a small village in Sweden where she was working as a librarian, no surprise with her occupation. What was a surprise though is that she has no idea who she is!"

Snape tried to look indifferent and almost managed to. "What do you mean, how does she not know?"

"She believed that her name was Anna Carlsson, and that she was born and raised in Sweden and has been an orphan since her teens. Her madeup memories have been so cleverly crafted that they appear seamless to her."

"How was she found?" Snape asked.

"It was pure coincidence. She had gone to Gothenburg to see a play and was seen by a former classmate of hers, Neville Longbottom. He contacted us after giving the girl quite a fright. Apparently she had forgotten the whole wizarding world as well, because the appearance of the man in wizard robe babbeling about Hogwarts, and how she had disappeared after the war while trying to hug her scared the living daylights out of the poor girl. He did follow her after she ran away from him though and found out where she lived. I went out there myself the day afterwards to talk to her. I showed her pictures and told her about her earlier life. She took it better than I would have thought and agreed to come back to Britain in a few days to see if her memory will come back."

Snape sat silent for a little while to see where Mc Gonagall was going with this, and why she was telling him about it all. When she did not continue he had to ask. "And where do I come in to all this? The owl message said that you needed my help and that you were cashing in on all the good will and owed debts I have to you."

Mc Gonagall actually looked a little apprehensive and walked over to a chair standing next to Snapes and sat down. "I have a big favor to ask you. As you know the return of one of the great heroes of the second V war will stir up a frenzy. When she disappeared that was all one could read about in the news for months, it would be even worse now I fear. What she needs now is peace and quiet, and most of all, the best occlumence in the kingdom to help her retrieve her memories and help her, and us to figure out what happened to her all those years ago."

Snape sighed and looked up at Mc Gonagall. "So you want me to go to visit her to dig around in her brain?"

"No not really." Mc Gonagall said. "I want her to come live with you."


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews, favorites and follows, they make me smile, a lot :o)

...

Snape sat with a large glass of firewhiskey in his hand, staring out into the darkness outside his window.

After the war he had aquired an estate far away from any neighbors or wizarding communities.

He had not even once allowed anyone to come visit him, and no one had any idea where he lived.

He had planned to let it remain that way, to live on in solitude where he could always be himself, and no one would have any expectations or demands of him. And now he had agreed on letting a girl, a former rather annoying student to come to stay with him. It attested to the thankfulness he felt towards Mc Gonagall in equal measures to the power of persuasion that the woman has.

He could agree that his house would be the only one he could think of where Granger would be left alone and invisible to the wizarding world until she was prepared to become a part of it again.

His house elfs had been busy all day preparing a guestroom that had been unused since he moved in. Apparently a lot of things were needed when a female guest was coming, he had just asked the elfs to take care of it and not to bother him about it, at all.

After the war he had published a few scientific papers on antidotes that had become his increasing interest after surviving a bite from a snake that injected enough venom into him to kill at least a dozen wizards. But being around Voldemort for so many years would make anyone paranoid and Snape had experimented with different antidotes since Voldemort had come back to life. He did not know they would work until the day came when he had to use them though. The proof came three days after the bite when he woke up at St Mungos with a body that burned from the venom, but that apparently still was alive.

The interest had developed into a business and now he was singelhandedly the largest provider of antidotes to St Mungos, and had become rather wealthy.

Snape rose up and looked at the grandfather clock in the corner. The girl would be arriving within a few hours, by a portkey that he himself had made. Snape swore a long oath and then drank the rest of the firewhiskey and then quickly poured himself another glass.

...

Hermione looked apprehensive and turned her head towards the elderly woman next to her.

"Don´t worry sweetheart, all shall go well, you will have your memories back soon and then you can go on with your life again. I would not have sent you to Severus had I not thought that it is the best thing for you". Mc Gonagall gave Hermiones hand a squeeze and went to get the coin Snape had sent to her.

"Just hold this in your hand and it will take you where you are supposed to go. It might be a bit scary since you do not remember doing it before, and it is not the most pleasant way to travel, but it is over quickly".

Hermione just nodded and accepted the coin from Mc Gonagall. After a quick look at the clock she knew it would be activated in about a minute and she closed her fingers around the smooth coin. Mc Gonagall had explained exactly what would happen earlier, but that had rather made her more worried than less as was intended.

Hermione turned towards Mc Gonagall and gave her a quick hug. "Thank you Madam, I know you have gone through a lot of trouble for my sake, I just hope it will be worth it".

Mc Gonagall smiled and took a step backwards. "Just call me Minerva dear, and remember that you can write to me at any time, the owls will always find their way to me."

Just as Mc Gonagall had finished the last word Hermione felt a pull around her bellybutton and suddenly the whole world was spinning around her.

Hermione landed with a thump and fell backwards on a gravel walkway. She slowly regained her breath and before sitting up a face appeared above hers. A small worried looking elf was standing looking down on her with large eyes and pointy ears. "Is Missus okidoki?"

The house elf leaned down, took Hermiones hand and helped her to become upright again. "Yes, I am fine, I might get a small bump in the back of my head, but other than that all that was hurt was my pride."

Hermione gently touched the back of her head and did infact feel a bump starting to swell.

"No worries Missus, master will fix quick, okidoki!"

Hermione could not help but to smile down on the rather enthusiastic elf. Fortunentually she had encountered a couple the last few days so that she now could look calmly down on the creature in front of her. The first one she had met had brought breakfast to the room Mc Gonagall had lent to her at her quarters at Hogwarts. After shrieking and jumping up on her bed (what ever good that could have done) Mc Gonagall had come running in to calm her down and introduce the teary eyed elf before it had tried to hit itself with a shoe. Somewhere in the general mayhem Hermione realized that the little creatures had to be handled rather delicately, and had after that been very polite every time she had met one.

For the first time Hermione noticed her surroundings. She was standing in the walkway towards a rather large manor. It had a wonderfully mideval feel to it, built with large boulders chiseled to fit into the walls. But the ivy climbing the outside and around the windows made it look very inviting. Around the building smaller houses were scattered a bit away. Hermione assumed it had been servants wings, stables and guest houses at one time, now they looked unused though.

"Well." Hermione said "I guess we should go meet the lord of this manor then."

Her voice sounded a lot more stable than she felt, her mouth was dry and it felt like her heart was about to pound a hole and jump out of her chest at any moment.

The elf smiled and picked up the suitcase that Hermione had dropped during her less than graceful landing. "Yes Missus, I be Norrie and I be happy to meet Missus, the master never has guests, you our first one!"

"Oh, a pleasure to meet you Norrie, I am Anna... I mean Hermione, or Anna. Well, we shall see soon who I am, I hope." And with that Hermione took her first steps towards the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Snape heard the frontdoor open and close.

Norries excited voice carried through the hallway into the library where Snape had taken his refuge. For the first time in a long time, he was unsure of what to do. He was used to be able to relax at all times in his own home, confident that there was no one around but the house elves to see him, and they would never judge him no matter what he would do. Now the outer world had intruded on his piece of mind once again.

For once at home Snape had to think about how he wanted to be percieved. There was an outer shell he always put on when amongst other people, and that even included a small incantation that was put on when ever he had to deal with anyone that was not a business partner. It was modified from the spell that kept both muggles and wizards from his own land, and made all who dealt with him feel that they had no inclination to stay around him for longer than they had to. The clercs at the store did not chitchat and people who recognized him on the streets simply nodded before hurring away to conclude their own errands.

Snape realized that in the small confines of a house, even though it was rather large that perticular spell might cause more trouble than it was worth. Granger would feel that she had to stay away from him and might have to feel that she had to hide in her own room at all times. That was perhaps not an unpleasant thought, but she was there to get his help, and she would have to trust him if she was to open her whole mind up for him like an open landscape that he could wander through at will.

Snape wanted the ordeal to be over as fast as possible so that he could get back to his solitary life, so what ever he had to do to make sure the girl was cooperative, had to be done. For a second he thought that perhaps he should even try to smile, but dismissed the thought with a huff.

Snape heard Norrie walk up the stairs with the luggage and thought that the moment when he had to meet the girl would be slightly persponed. But then he heard the smallest little knock on the door.

Hermione took a deep breath as she knocked on the door to the Library, where Norrie had informed her that his master was.

After a second a deep rumbling voice said that she could come in. Hermione felt trepidation but bucked up the courage that she had, and opened the door.

There in a dark room with bookshelves lining each wall going up almost 15 feet sat a man on a wingback chair in front of a fireplace. His dark features were accentuated since almost all of the light was coming from behind him. He looked like a dark brooding specter looking at her as if she was something the cat had dragged in.

Then he rose up from the chair, and Hermione caught her breath. Standing up he was even more intimidating than she had thought. Clad all in black with raven hair to his shoulders and eyes that looked like they were black ponds, he looked like he had stepped straight out of a Poe novel.

Hermione walked forward slowly and stretched out her hand, that was almost shiver free towards Snape.

"Mister Snape, I am miss Granger, pleased to make your aquaintance."

Snape took a few steps forward and took Hermiones hand. After a few moments where he merely looked appraisingly at her, making her feel more than a little uncomfortable he said, "Well well, Granger, I know you do not remember me, but I remember you. I guess I should welcome you to my house. I do wish that you will make yoursef at home for the hopefully brief time that you will spend here. If there is anything you want just ask Norrie, he is instructed to make sure you get what ever you wish for." And with that he turned back to his seat and sat back down and picked up a glass of amber colored liquid sipping at it slowly while looking into the flames.

Hermione felt she had been excused with as little nicety as possible, but could take a hint. She quickly walked out of the room and as she shut the door behind her she saw that a smiling Norrie was waiting for her at the bottom of the staircase leading to her room.

"Come Missus, I will show you Missuses room now." He said and scurried up the stairs.

Hermione followed in a slower pace letting out a breath she did not know she had held.

...

Snape leaned against the backrest and sighed. Just before Hermione had entered he had decided to be pleasant or at least cordial towards the girl, but as soon as he lay his eyes on her all of his good intentions went out the window. He had of course intellectually realized that she would not be the annoying 17 year old bundle of knowitallness that she had been the last time he saw her. But he still got a bit of a shock that before him instead of the girl he had known, stood a woman with more than pleasant curves, her once so unruly hair in a thick braid across her shoulder and on her, the most sensual mouth he had ever encountered.

Snape was not as adverse to female company as was widely believed. But every time the need had risen, he had engaged in a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone who wanted their physical relationship hidden as much as he. It had usually been married women or well to do widows with a soft spot for warheroes. These relationships had been without emotions, from his part at least, but were all he had needed. Psysical satisfaction and no emotional investment.

Hermiones appearance had jolted a primitive part of him that had apparently decided that it wanted her.

So instead of calmly asking how she was doing and if the portkey trip had gone well, he had said as little as possible and dismissed her without a second look. The first had been far too long and intense anyway.

Now he was alone and had plenty of time to berate himself for acting so callously towards Hermione when it was counter productive to what he had to do as quickly as possible. He had to break the barriers in her mind that held out her old memories so that he could send her away before she disturbed his life even more.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione stepped into the room that she was to stay in while being a guest in Snapes house. She looked around and found it rather pleasant actually. The other rooms she had seen so far had been dark and sparesly furnished, if at all.

This room had light yellow walls with white trim. A massive bed was standing towards one wall, it seemed like branches had been coerced to form the base and bedposts that reached up and formed a canopy over the bed, it had a light green and golden as a colorpalet, making it look a bit like a secret garden.

A large armoire, two bedside tables, a vanity table and a large couch in the same color schemes finished off the fairytail look.

Norrie bounced up to one of the bedside tables and rather proudly said, "I founds a muggles book for Missus!" and pointed at a large volume laying on the table next to an ornate golden candlestick.

Hermione walked over and took the book Norrie was beaming over. Hermione could not help smiling herself, partly over Norries mirth and partly because what she now was looking at was the collected works of Dorothy Parker, one of her favorite authors/poets. It is strange how something that small but familiar can make one feel so much less anxtious. Hermione felt that she might not be in for the most pleasant of stays, but felt that she would be fine no matter what.

For as far as she could remember she had had the feeling that something was missing, sort of like the the sensation you have when you see something in the corner of your eye, but when you turn to see what it is, nothing is there. Perhaps she had all along felt like life was just a mirage.

Hermione was not someone who had a lot of friends, come to think of it she only had a few aquantances, no one really close. She had always relied on books to keep her company, to take her away on adventures, to show her what romance is, and to make her laugh.

But now she realized she was in the middle of her own adventure. She assumed the normal reaction to her circumstanses would have been to freak out. But instead she felt like a light had lit up inside her, now her real life would truly begin.

So many times when she had read her favorite fantasy books she had wished that they were true. That behind the everyday facade there was a hidden world of magic, vampires, aliens and dragons. Oh, she had to ask if there were dragons, she surely hoped so. Now it had come true, and she, somehow had her own place in the hidden world.

So now the only problem she truly felt she had, was that the one person who might possibly help her get into the that world, appeared to be an asshole.

Mc Gonagall had warned her, said that Snape was a difficult man, and that for most of his life, one person or another had abused, used or taken advantage of him. Anyone might be a bit wary of people after that. But that was no excuse for behaving like a dick, Hermione thought.

The attitude combined with his dark voice and dark expression made him more than a little intimidating. Hermione had left their brief meeting feeling strange, he did not look familiar to her, but his voice seemed to have a direct correlation to her nerve endings. It had to be because something in her recognized it, what else could it be?

With an audible pop Norrie appeared before Hermione.

"Missus be hungry? Missus eat dinner with Master at seven, but if Missus hugry Norrie can make snacksies."

Hermione smiled towards the tiny house elf and shook her head. "No thank you Norrie. I just had lunch, but it is very nice of you to ask."

Norries face became all smiles "I like Missus, Missus be very nice!" And with that Norrie dissappeared again.

Hermione laughed quietly to herself. The creatures that gave her the biggest fright at first now always managed to bring a smile to her face.

So, dinner at seven, that would be interesting. Hermione started to unpack the few clothes that she had brought. If Snape was going to dress all menacingly, she was not about to go to dinner in the flipflops and faded sundress that she had just met him in.


	5. Chapter 5

It was one minute to seven and Snape looked at the clock. He had decided that Hermione would be late so that he could have something to be annoyed at. Feeling out of sorts without anything to blame it on was always irritating. Someone disregarding times or rules had always livened him up. Catching students in the corridors after bedtime, them blowing up things or just getting in thouble had been his favorite thing about being a teacher. All the pent up anger and stress from the rest of his life went away for a bit when he got to yell at a student, deduct house points or assign detention. Sure, the feelings always came back, but for a short while he got to let some steam out.

Just as the clock was about to turn seven the diningroom door opened.

Snape felt his breath hitch in his throat as he saw what was before him. Hermione had on muggle attire it seemed. But somehow Snape could not mind, at all. He did a quick calculation in his head, and came to the conclusion that the girl had to be at least 25 now and him staring at her as if he was a starving man might not be socially acceptable, but she was at least an adult, that had to count for something, right?

Hermione was wearing a silky dark blue dress that seemed to be sown just for her. It had a very modest cut in the front, but was low cut in the back showing a delicious amount of skin. The skirt of the dress ended just below her knees. The dress showed off her body in the most tantalizing way, every angle was rounded and looked very touchable. Adult indeed, this was what a woman was supposed to look like, round shapes and generous curves in all the right places.

Snapes mouth went dry, and he hastily stood up to greet Hermione. "I hope you found your accomodations acceptable madam, please have a seat." Snape pointed at a chair at the oposite end of the table. The table itselt large enough so that proper conversation would be impossible between them.

Hermione looked at Snape and then decided to buck up her courage. Nothing was going to be achieved if they did not actually manage to talk to each other. She bent down and lifted up the chair and uncermoniously carried it to stand just a few feet away from Snapes and sat down. "I hope this is ok, I would prefer to get to know you. And I would like to start by thanking you for agreeing to help me. Minerva assured me I could be in no better hands."

Snape scoffed. "Well, that depends how you look at it I guess. I am not an overly modest man though, so I do agree. If I will not be able to help you, no one will."

Hermione froze and looked apprehensive for a moment. "Well, I hope you will, I can feel that I am missing something, and to live my life only knowing a part of me, of who I actually am, that seems unbearable." Hermione looked down at her hands than lay in her lap and started to fiddle with a ring on one of her fingers.

Snape gave her an assessing look and took a deep breath. " I rarely make promises miss Granger, but I will now, I promise to do my best. I have lived most of my life either denying or hiding who I am, I can understand that you need your life back. But what I can not promise is that I will succeed."

Hermione looked up at Snape with a small smile on her lips. "What ever will be will be, I am so grateful that you will try, that is all I can wish for." Hermione put one of her hands briefly on one of Snapes that was resting on the table and then put it back in her lap again.

Snape felt like something had burned him and had no idea what to say or do. Thankfully in that moment Norrie scurried into the room with serving dishes that he set down and then quickly reset the table so that Hermiones plate, cutlery and glasses were in front of her at her new seat in an instant.

Norrie looked expectantly at Hermione. "Me hopes Missus likesies chicken." And with that he opened the lid to the serving dishes. A lovely scent came from each and one of them and after a quick nod from Snape, Hermione smiled at Norrie and dug in.

All conversation was suspended during the meal, to Snapes great relief. But he had expected the silence to be as uncomfortable as most of his conversations usually were, but he felt strangely at ease and calm. Most curious.


	6. Chapter 6

The sun was setting and Hermione was getting ready for bed. She felt a bit better now than she had when she arrived at the house. Snape had hardly been chatty at dinner, and afterwards he had excused himself to go check on a few potions brewing in his workroom.

But he had seemed to be a bit more relaxed, and that made her relax as well. When she had first seen him, he had frightened her, but now she had a feeling it was exactly how he wanted people to react, and that something else was hiding under the surface. Well, it was hardly going to be a cuddly teddybear, but less of an intimidating wraith at least.

Hermione went to bed and picked up the book on the night stand and burrowed down into the pillows and opened it. For an hour or so she read and giggled, Parker was the whittiest poetess Hermione knew, and though her writings were seldom, if ever positive, they were hilarious in their darkness. After that Hermione drifted away, dreaming of dragons, elfs and tall dark men with alluring voices.

Snape was looking at the stars through an open window in his library. All of the potions that had to be delivered this week were packed and labeled to be sent off tomorrow. He would be free to work with Hermione for several days until he had to start a new batch of Essence of Dittany and one batch of Skele-gro.

Snape sighed and leaned against the windowframe. His life had very undexpectedly been turned upside down in just 48 hours. But the conversation that he had had then with Minerva could not have ended in any other way. He owed her too much not to give in to the first real request she had ever asked for. He was loathe to admit it, but without her insistance that he should be active and start to live a little after his miraculous recovery, he would probably have spent his day in a rented room with more firewhiskey in him than should be humanly possible to ingest. Snape was the son of an alcoholic, he knew that given the circumstanses, that would have been an all too easy escape from the world for him as well. But the annoying woman had nagged and nagged and before he knew it she had introduced him to the people who were to become business partners and editors for the magazines he was to write for. Minerva was a pain in the ass ninetyseven percent of the time, but he had a lot to thank her for.

All of a sudden there was a scream piercing the silence. Many years of instict had honed Snapes reflexes, and even before he had registered what was going on, he was standing with his want in front of him ready to face what ever might come. It however took him a while to realize what was going on. Here in his own home, away from the world, he had never before had to assume the battle position, and it felt out of place. Possibly the first time ever that throwing himself into a fight had not felt natural. The scream continued and sounded so anguished that Snape felt slightly breathless as he ran up the stairs towards the noice.

Snape threw the door open to the room Hermione was occupying at the moment and stared at the bed.

Hermione had her back towards him and was twisting and turning all tangled up into the sheets, but then she suddenly stopped moving. The scream faded into sobs and Snape realized that Hermiones scream had woken herself up.

Snape walked up to the bed feeling apprehensive, he had talked to many crying slytherins at Hogwarts, but they had been children. Comforting a grown woman was not in his repertoire. As he reached the bed he tentativly reached towards Hermiones shoulder and patted it awkwardly. Hermione still half inside her nightmare turned and noticed Snape. A half a second later she had her arms around his neck and was sobbing into his chest.

Snape was stunned into immobility and did not have the faintest idea what to do, but finally decided that just standing with your arms down against your sides while a lovely woman had her arms around you, crying as if her heart had just been shattered was a bit too standoffish, even for him. Gently he reached up and put one hand on her hair stroking it gently, the other arm snaked around her back so that his hand rested just above her hip.

They stood that way for at least ten minutes before Hermiones sobs started to die down, and another five as she got back to breathing normally.

All of a sudden Snape could feel Hermione tensing up and released his hold on her. Hermione took a step back with her eyes downcast and cleared her throat nervously. "I am sorry Mr Snape, I did not mean to throw myself like that at you, and I don´t even know if I was aware that it was you to be honest. But it was the first time in so long that I have had one of my nightmares and I think it shook me up more than usual."

Snape looked down on Hermione who slumped down into a sitting position on the bed, and he took a step forward and sat down next to her. "I hope you don´t mind if I ask what the nightmare was about?"

Hermione started to fidget with her fingers and took a deep breath. "I am not sure actually, it is more flashes and this horrible feeling that I am going to die, and after that all I hear is screaming, and as I wake up I know it is my own."

Snape considered this and frowned slightly. "Well, what ever it is I will see it soon. As I enter your mind everything will be open for scrutiny. Nothing will be hidden from me, I hope you realize this. Had it been me I might have opted for life long ignorance compared to having a complete stranger digging around in my brain."

Hermione raised her head and stopped fidgeting. She looked Snape squarely in the eyes and had a slight sad smile on her lips. "I don´t think that is an option for me, I need get back to the life I am supposed to have, because honestly, right now I don´t have one. And, I trust you, I don´t know why, but I do."

Snape took a second and then stood up and walked slowly towards the door and turned back towards Hermione as he reached the doorknob. "To have someones trust is rare for me, I hope it will not prove to be misplaced." And with that he left the room feeling bewildered and his arms felt strangely empty.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you so much for all the reviews, favorites and follows, I like them as much as I like icecream, and that my friends, is a lot! :o)

Hermione woke up yawning and could see the sunrays sneaking in around the edges of the curtains. Outside a bird had apparently decided to perch just next to her window while courting some lovely female of his choosing. The song sounded so happy and brought a large smile to Hermiones lips.

Suddenly with a pop Norrie appeared by the bed with a grin that was even bigger than Hermiones.

"Missus is wakiepakie, sun be shining, Missus be smiling, and I founds a button to Masters robe I be looking for a loooongs time. It was hidings in a shoesises. This be great day!" All of this Norrie blurted out without breathing and then produced a small black button from his pocket and showed it to Hermione as if it was the holy grail. Hermione could not help but to laugh.

Norrie continued. "Oh, and Norrie ask cooksie to make breakfast for Missus." Norrie snapped his fingers and a breakfast tray appeared before Hermione, it was stacked with plates full of what appeared to be, eggs. They were cooked in every way possible it seemed. Norrie looked proud. "I dids not know what eggsies Missus liked so I ask cooksie to make all of them, poachied, boilied, fried, scramblied, lost..." Norrie went on mentioning all the different kinds of eggs while counting on his fingers. Hermione looked at him fondly and just enjoyed seing his excitement.

When Norrie was finally ready he looked expectantly at Hermione and waitied for her reaction to his feast.

"So" Hermione said. "Do you like eggs perhaps Norrie?"

Norrie lit up. "I love eggsies, they the best thing ever!" He exclaimed with such gusto that Hermione started to giggle. "Haha, I do like eggs as well Norrie, thank you so much for this lovely feast. Tomorrow some toast and a boiled egg will do just fine though."

"Boiled is the best!" Norrie almost jumped of joy at Hermiones response. "And Master left this note to Missus to. Just call for Norrie if Missus needs anything, and me come quickly to Missus" With that Norre put a small note next to the plates and with a pop was gone again.

Hermione picked up the note and opened it. She felt a bit embarassed over her behaviour in the middle of the night, but she could not change it now. And it seemed like the man had some kind of calming effect on her, she had slept soundly through the rest of the night, and now felt truly rested.

The script on the note was brief and to the point.

**_Good morning Miss Granger. There is no time like the present, and we should start working on your memory retreival right away. Meet me in the library at 11 _**

**_/Severus Snape_**

Hermiones stomach clenched out of nerves and she picked up her watch that lay on the nightstand. It was just after ten, so she had almost an hour. After all the effort Norrie and the elf cook had gone through, Hermione did not want to ignore the food, even though what ever apetite she had just a few minutes ago had just vanished. She picked up a fork and took small bites from almost every plate so that Norries feelings would not be hurt.

Hermione stepped in to the shower after her brief breakfast, perhaps hot water might thaw the icy pit that had suddenly formed in her belly.

Snape paced in the library waiting for the clock to turn eleven. He had not slept all night, but could probably function with many more sleepless nights, he had enough practice in the past. He had actually tried to go to bed, but after an hour or so of tossing and turning he had given up. Since then he had wandered the house, looking at things that could be improved, furniture that needed to be aquired or paintings that might need to be silenced. All an attempt to try to not think about the woman who lay in a bed just a few rooms away, with infuriatingly soft hair and round shapes.

The paintings in his house had usually been quiet and just nodded at him as he strode by or having muted conversations with each other. But somehow now they all seemed a lot more cheery and talkative, Snape found this highly annoying. The atmosphere of the whole house appeared to have changed in less than twenty four hours, ever since Hermione had stepped inside the door. He could not wait until the time would come when she would walk out that door and go back to where she came from, back to being one third of the annoying golden trio with the world at her feet. He knew that there was a chance that what ever had happened to her might not be reversed, but no matter what happened she had many friends that would greet her with open arms weather she knew who she was or not.

A small knock came from the door and Hermione stepped in. She was very pale and looked nervous. Snape pointed towards one of the comfortable chairs in front of the fireplace. "Please sit down Miss Granger."

Hermione nodded and walked over and sat down on the edge of the seat and took a deep breath.

Snape sat down in the other chair and turned towards Hermione. "Well then, let us begin." He took up his wand and pointed it at Hermione.


	8. Chapter 8

"Legilimens!" The word resounded through the room and suddenly Hermione felt that her thoughts were not her own any more. It felt like someone was standing next to her seeing her thoughts as they came. It was very unsettling.

Hermione heard Snapes voice as if it came from far away, she seemed lost in her own head.

"Miss Granger, try to focus. Imagine that your mind is a library, every memory has its own section, and the important ones their own rooms. When you are looking for a specific memory just go to the room where you have put it. Just start with the memories of the last few days so that you get used to it."

Hermione automatically thought of the day Minerva had stepped over her threshold. In her mind she saw a beautiful library wall to wall covered by ornate bookshelves filled with every book ever written. On each wall there were doors that led to hallways with countless of rooms where each of her memories could have a home. Snapes choice to ask her to imagine a library was a good one, it instantly made Hermione feel at home, and at ease. The memory she had chosen was assigned a room and when thinking about it, it seemed like stepping into that memory. She could watch Minerva introducing herself and then after they had sat down, she had explained as gently as she could about Hermiones situation, and the life she knew nothing about.

Snapes voice was heard far away again. "Now go out of that room and open another door, and before you do, try not to decide what memory will be there, just let it come by itself."

Hermione imagined walking to the room oposite of the one with the memory of Minervas visit. Gently she opened the door and walked in. She then noticed that she was in a different library, Snapes, and she relived the first time she saw the man who was at the moment in her mind with her. And he could see what she did, and feel what she had. Embarassed she quickly stepped out the door again and tried to think of nothing at all.

All of a sudden she was in Snapes library again, but now she was in it for real, not in her memories.

Snape lowered his wand and looked intently at Hermione. She looked embarassed and just stared down on the floor.

Snape stood up and went to pour healty doses of fire whiskey into two glasses. He gave one to Hermione who just nodded and started to take small sips of the strong drink.

Snape finished his glass and sat down again. "This is why I would never let anyone into my head, again. There is nothing one can hide, every emotion and action displayed to someone who will make their own mind up of what they see, twist it to be used to their advantage, and they will always have some kind of hold of you from that day on. Three people have been inside mine, and two of them decided that I was theirs to use as they liked for the duration of my life. Thankfully it only became the duration of their lives. The last one was by accident, but the feeling of being violated will never go away even though it was not on purpose. You will have to decide if you want to go ahead with this or not, it is only going to get harder from now on."

Hermione looked up into the face of Snape, he looked severe, but there was a slight gentleness in his eyes that Hermione did not miss. "I am not sure what to do." Hermione said. "Had you asked me an hour ago I would have been certain that I wanted to do it, but now, I just don´t know." Hermione sighed and pulled her knees up under her chin.

Snape leaned back aganst his chair and looked at Hermione. Since she had entered his house he had been more aware of that she was a woman than what he even wanted to admit to himself, but now he could see a glimpse of the child he remembered. She looked bewildered and not just a little lost. "I can tell you this though miss Granger. It is not hopeless. If you decide to go on, I think we have a real chance at retreiving your memories. In the memory you have of your visit from Minerva I could sense something odd, something that I have actually wondered about since you arrived here. I had assumed you would have reacted to such a tale with disbelief and would have thrown the woman outside. Instead you belived her, almost right away. Now that I saw the memory from your perspective I could sense that something in your subconcious woke up, and that part of you knew that it was true. That makes me think that your other memories can be brought back as well. And if you decide to go on, I will do what I can to help you."

Hermione slowly raised her head and looked up at Snape with eyes full of unshed tears. "Thank you, I just need to think about it for a while, it is all so confusing, and not being alone in my own mind, that was, it was... I can´t even explain it. But I guess you know what it is like."

Snape nodded and looked into the fire that was blazing in the fireplace.

Hermione stood up and put her hand on Snapes shoulder who looked up at the woman in front of him.

Neither of them said anything, but the look of gratitude in Hermiones eyes shone brigh. Snape slowly put his hand on top of Hermiones and gave it a small squeeze without taking his eyes away from hers.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys! Thank you so much for following and reviewing, I appreciate it so much! Big thanks especially to who cought my little ooopsie in the last chapter, it is fixed now though :o)

Ok back to the story!

Hermione sat on the bed just staring at the wall in front of her. Usually she could think her way out of any problem. But now it felt like the more she thought about it, the more confused she felt.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. After a quick look at the time Hermione realized she had spent the best part of the afternoon staring at the wall, somehow three hours had just vanished.

"Come in." She called.

The door opened and Snape walked in. He looked at the woman in front of him who now seemed tired and as if she had been crying. Again with the crying, Snape was just not comfortable with it. It made him feel even more sure of what he had to do now.

"Well Miss Granger, I think we need a little break. Come with me" And with that he strode out the door. Hermione looked surprised but quickly got to her feet and followed Snape.

They walked outside and continued down a hill to what looked like an old stable. Snape opened the door for Hermione and she walked in to the building that had been stripped bare on the inside. All there was were walls and a concrete floor. It was huge though and since the walls and slanted ceiling were whitewashed it was rather bright. Large windows towards the back of the building let in enough light so that no lamps or torches were needed during the day. The only thing in the building were two tables, one against the side wall, and one in the middle of the large space. The one against the wall had glass jars filled with some kind of green coloured liquid in them.

Snape walked up to the table in the middle and opened a box that was standing on top of it. Hermione went to stand next to Snape and looked at what was in the box. There lay five different wands, all with different shapes and different wood types.

Snape picked one up and looked at it. "My best memory from my childhood was when I recieved my first wand. I knew I could start to shape my own life and destiny with it, that it was the only thing I needed to change my future. I was wrong, but at the moment I did not know that. The feeling of having magic course through me and coming out of the wand felt like no other ever had. You don´t remember your first wand right now or ever doing magic at all. I am not sure that this will work, what ever is blocking your memories might be blocking your magic ability as well. But magic usually finds a way, so lets give it a whirl."

Hermione looked at the man in front of her as if she had not seen him before, he was actually smiling. It did miraculous things to his face, he looked at least twenty years younger and in his eyes was a spark of that young boy with his first wand, giddy and happy, perhaps the only time he had been truly happy even. The feeling was contagious and Hermiones face showed a smile at least as large as his.

Snape gave Hermione the wand he was holding and pointed at the jars on the other table. "Wave your wand in that direction and see what happens."

Hermione held the wand slightly akwardly trying to get the feel of it. She took a deep breath and did a little flick with the wand. Suddenly the world seemed bright and a huge light in the form of a ball formed on the tip of the wand, but in stead of going towards the jars it just popped like a balloon. Hermione looked up at the smirking Snape next to her. "Was it supposed to do that?"

Snape shook his head but looked amused. "No, not the reaction we were looking for. But the question wether your magic is active or not is definetly answered. Let´s try another wand."

Hermione looked into the box and then gently touched them one at the time. They were all smooth and slightly warm to the touch. But one of them felt, different. Hermione could not have told anyone what made her feel that way, but she knew that it was the one for her. She picked it up and held it in her hand, it felt like it belonged there and she looked up at Snape who gave a small nod towards the jars. Hermione flicked the wand gently and a small but bright light shot towards the jars, all three exploded and the liquid spilled out all over the table. Hermione had to remember to breathe, it felt like a bubble of joy had formed inside her, and at once she knew that no price was too high for her to get back to the world she so apparently belonged to.

Hermione turned towards Snape and threw her arms around his neck and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you Mr Snape, that was exactly what I needed."

Snape gave Hermione a small smile and as she relased him he put a hand on her shoulder. "Call me Severus, since we are sharing a roof if seems unnessesary to be so formal. Now do you want to try it again?" With a wave of his own wand the jars were whole again. Hermione nodded enthusiastically and turned back towards the jars.


	10. Chapter 10

I am sooooo sorry that I have not updated until now. Life, practice for a dance performance and work stole all of my time. But with the dancing clothes finished, the performance done and a big assignment done for work I should be getting back on the writing track again :o)

I hope that where ever you live, the spring sun is shining on you!

Snape sat at the diningroom table waiting for Hermione to come to dinner. But the clock was ticking past eight and Snape sighed.

Hermione had lived with him for almost a week now, and she had managed to keep the dining times so far. Their days had been filled with working together. There were very few parts of her mind that Snape did not know by now. They also seemed to be able to draw nearer to the time when they would find her repressed memories. One part of Hermiones internal library appeared to be locked off, when they would find out how to get in there, Snape was sure they would start to get somewhere.

But today she had been nowhere to be seen, and Snape knew why. He only had himself to blame, he had given her the one thing that could distract her from everything else, books.

Hermione had been eager to learn more magic, and this morning an owl arrived with all the books Snape had ordered for Hermione. They were the same school books she had read the first few years at Hogwarts and would give her a good basis he had though. But her eagerness when it had come to learning new things had not diminished since she was a child.

Snape sighed again and stood up, he better go find the darn woman.

Before he even had time exit the room Norrie appeared in front of him. "Master! You be looking for Missus? She down by river, Norrie forgets to tell Master." The elf looked gloomy and a little fearful.

Snape knew he was slowly getting softer and really should do something about it, but felt like yelling at the elf would only make Norrie even more annoying. It had actually taken Snape a few years to make the elves stop hurting themselves when ever they did something wrong, and he did not want to go back to elves burning, cutting or hitting themselves.

"Don´t worry, I will go get her." Snape said over his shoulder while walking to the back door.

It took a few minutes to walk down to the small river, well it was more of a creek really. But at some time in the past it had been named Nightingale river, so it was a river at least by name if not by size or flow. Before Snape saw Hermione he heard her. A girlish giggle wafted through the air towards him. As he arrived at the river bank Snape saw Hermione sitting in the small and slightly forgotten gazebo with flowers slowly spinning around her.

Snape cleared his throat and Hermione turned around, and with that her concentration was broken and the flowers all sailed down on the gazebo floor around her. "Oh Severus, the book of charms is just delightful, I feel like I am living in a childrens story book where dreams come alive around me." Hermiones smile was contagious and Snape found himself giving the woman a small smile. "Well, as in the stories apparently time does not play a large part either at the moment it seems. I know you missed lunch, but I had assumed you would be hungry enough to come to dinner on time at least."

Hermione gave up a little laugh. "Oh goodness, I must have totally lost track of time. With ordinary books I usually get cought up in the 'just one more chapter' syndrome, now it seems I have gotten stuck in the 'just one more spell' syndrome as well. I just can´t seem to put the books down."

Snape walked up the two steps onto the gazebo and sat down on one of the benches lining the walls. "Well, I see I should only have gotten you one book at the time. But I am hungry and don´t want a fainting woman on my hands because of lack of food, so finish the spell you are playing with now and then come back with me to the house."

Hermione smiled up at Snape and picked up her wand again, but hesitated slightly. "It is a lovely night Severus, it is still warm and the sun will be setting in a little bit it seems. Would you mind terribly if we eat out here?"

Snape looked at Hermione with amusement and gave her a slight nod. "I guess that with a little wand waving I can make this place look fairly proper for a dinner." Snape snapped his fingers and Norrie arrived looking eager. "Norrie, go get a blanket and make us two plates of food. Bring what ever more we might need for a meal here, oh and a nice red wine as well I think." Norries smile widened and he was gone again with a pop.

Snape took out his wand and with a few waves and some muttered incantations the gazebo was clean, the paint looked fresh and the benches again all looked like they could be sat on without getting large splinters in the behind.

A few minutes later Snape and Hermione sat crosslegged on a thick green blanket with a feast around them. It seemed Norrie had decided to bring everything edible in the kitchen and it all tasted wonderfully. Hermione had noticed that she was indeed starving and tried a little of everything.

When they had finished in companionable silence Hermione lay down on her back patting her belly. "Oh, I should not have had those last crackers, but I am a sucker for brie. Thank you for indulging in my al fresco meal." And with that she lay her hand on Snapes knee for a while before putting both hands behind her neck looking up at the ceiling just listnening to the birds chirping around them.

Snape frowned and filled up his glass with his favorite wine. Hermione was constantly touching him, and it annoyed him greatly. He had never been the kind of person that inspired people to touch him in any way that was not violent or demeaning, and it made him cringe slightly every time Hermione touched him. The only thing that annoyed him more, was when she did not touch him...


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you all so much for all the comments and subscribtions guys, makes me soooo happy!

And you might have notiched that I am not posting as often as in the beginning... well, I promise to do at least one a week, hopefully more, ok? :o)

Well, I hope you are all having a wonderful summer weather where ever you are, the sun here in Sweden is making me happy every day right now!

Ok, on to the story.

"Get out of here!"A scream pierced the walls of the house, and even the elves down in the kitchen could hear it.

"It is my library, you can´t order me about in my own home" Snapes voice was considerably calmer than Hermiones, but he was not happy. Doors were slammed and it sounded like something made of glass was shattered agains a wall.

The elves looked at each other with worried faces. They were used to their master being angry when a potion had exploded or something nasty had arrived with the postowl, but and angry woman they were not used to, this could get tricky.

Hermione threw herself down in the chair next to the fireplace, all anger quickly disappearing, the only thing that remained was shame. She buried her face in her hands and sighed. It was bound to happen eventually she assumed, but that did not mean she could handle it right now. And his response had not been appropriate, well, flattering, but not appropriate. Hermiones face grew even more red.

It had started as all their sessions did. They had entered her mind library and had looked through a few rooms that were close to the part of the library that was closed off. So far Hermione had managed to stay away from the more embarassing memories, and Snape had seemed to know when to divert his mind when she felt akward. But then the memory of an especially drunken night popped up inside a door. Hermione had been working all that day and when a coworker had suggested a drink or three Hermione knew that it might not have been the best of ideas. She could drink just a glass of wine at times and even then have a silly smile on her face from the buzz. That evening she had several coctails in various colours and all became a blur. One thing led to another and a man she was not sure what he was called had come home with her.

When Snape and Hermione had entered the memory a man laying on a bed stark naked could be seen, but that was not the worst part. The drunken Hermione was at the same time performing a little dance (not too coordinated to be honest) while taking her clothes off. Memory Hermione was spinning her bra on a finger over her head and threw it at the enthusiastic man on the bed when the real Hermione tried to get out of the room. But there was a tugging sensation in her mind that seemed to keep her there to her horror. Then she realized what it was. It was Snape who was so focused on the scene before them that he unconciously kept them there inside the memory.

Suddenly the connection between them broke and they were again in Snapes library. For a moment they were just staring at each other with large eyes. Then Hermione snapped out of it and grabbed the first thing she could get her hands on. It was a glass of water and when the water splashed over Snapes face, to say that he snapped out of it as well would have been an understatement. In a flash a furious Snape stood before Hermione. But the look of horror and embarassment in her eyes made him pause. And when she yelled at him to get out, he did not put up much of a fight and left almost at once. The second he shut the door behind him as he exited the library, the now empty glass hit the other side of the door.

Snape took a deep breath and tried, but did not manage fully to stop imagining an almost naked Hermione. She had curves, that much was obvious even when she wore clothes, but now he knew what a treasure was hiding under those clothes. Snape could feel his heart pick up again and decided that some distance between himself and the object of his now very erotic fantasy was to be advised. He had been surprised that he had lost himself so much inside Hermoines memory, and felt truly ashamed of himself. Well, any man would have reacted the same he decided, just because he always thought himself above most others he could not deny he as well was a man, a full blooded one at that. And that all he wanted to do right now was to stomp back into the library, tear the womans clothes off and throw himself ontop of her and touch every inch of her body was a normal reaction, wasn´t it?

Snape shook his head and went towards his bedroom, he was in dire need of some alone time, to think off course...


	12. Chapter 12

Hermione put another hairpin into her bun and looked in to the mirror. Enough procrastinating, she had to go down to dinner now. It had only been a few hours since the "incident" as she put it when she thought about it. And it seemed like her face would be eternally red now. But she was no whimp, there was no time like the present.

Hermione straightened up and walked down to the diningroom where as usual, Snape was already waiting. With a smile on her face that felt really stiff Hermione sat down on her chair next to Snape.

For a few seconds it was quiet and then both started to talk at the same time. "I am sorry about...", "I would like to appologize...". And they both went quiet again, Snape motioned to Hermione to talk first and she looked down on her hands while talking. "I am sorry for lashing out like I did earlier, but I, well I was just really embarassed."

Snape cleared his throat and felt at least as uncomfortable as Hermione did. "I am the one who should be appologizing. Had it been me instead of you, a glass would probably not have been the only thing that would have been smashed. And considering the circumstances you were more than justified in being argry with me. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you, please do tell me."

Without actually thinking Hermione blurted out. "I guess you can let me see you naked as well." Hermiones eyes widened alarmingly and she put one hand infront of her mouth. "I can not believe I just said that, I am so sorry."

Snape did not move for several seconds and just stared at Hermione. Then all of a sudden he broke out laughing, a deep throaty laugh filled with mirth, and it did not stop. Hermione got caught up in the mood and started to laugh as well. A minute or so later they both calmed down, and with a few stray chuckles they eventually grew silent.

Hermione had a huge smile on her face. From what she had seen during the week she had stayed with Snape he was not a man that laughed easily, or ever really. And it was a shame. It was possibly the nicest laugh she had ever heard, and the transformation to his face was impressive, he looked so young and carefree. Something Hermione assumed he probably never had been.

Snapes hand lay flat on the table infront of him, and Hermione reached out and put hers on top of his.

"What is done is done and it could have been worse I guess. Ok, perhaps not much, but..." She trailed off and did not know what to say.

Snape looked at the woman next to him and turned his hand around so that he was holding her as much as she was him. "I hope you will not feel embarassed around me, and that we will get past this little, well, thing. But if you ever do feel like we need to eaven things out a bit, just tell me, and I will make sure to strip off my clothes right away." And with that they erupted into laughter again.

At breakfast the following morning Snape told Hermione that their usual session would be skipped for some shopping. Hermione had just stared at him, he did not seem like that man that would enjoy a shopping trip. That was true, but they both needed a break and Snape did still feel a bit guilty, especially since the image of an almost naked Hermione kept popping up in his mind around every two minutes.

Hermione was given a potion that would alter her appearances. It was of Snapes own making, a mixture that mimiced that of Polyjuice but only changed the face, not the body.

Hermione was now a lot less attractive than she had been just a few minutes ago and sported a beakshaped nose, pointed chin and rather small beady eyes. She had gotten stuck infront of the mirror for quite a while just marvelling at the changes.

Snape held out his hand and Hermione took it. He pulled her in for an akward hug so that they could apparate to Diagon alley. When they arrived Hermione felt slightly dizzy, and Snape saw no problem in holding her for a while as she regained her equilibrium. He smelled like sandalwood and something else that seemed to be just him Hermione realized, it was very pleasant to say the least.

Madam Malkin became a nervous flutter as Snape came in with the woman he introduced as his third cousin. Even without the enchantment to repel people Snape was intimidating, and both Malkin and her assistant kept producing more and more clothes to try to please the man. Hermione was having a great time though. She had seen a few witch robes, but not worn one, well not that she remembered anyway. All the different colours and cuts were amazing to her.

About an hour later they left the shop with about a dozen packages. Snape shrank them down and stuffed them into Hermiones purse. Hermione kept looking into the purse at odd intervals giggling everytime, Snape really had to make sure he did not get a smile on his lips as well, her enthusiasm for magic was contagious. But it would not do to let the public see him as anything other than the dourfaced former schoolteacher, and deatheater. What ever he would do, he would never escape either identity anyway, so he decided long ago to own it. That he had been an instrumental part of saving the wizarding community was of no consequence in the eyes of others it seemed. He had never, and would never be allowed into what was considered good society.

Well, that thought sobered him up, and to keep the smile away was not hard anymore.

A bit more gruffly than he had intended he told Hermione it was time to leave. But it was in vane, he turned around when he noticed she was no longer by his side. Because as he should have realized, she had found the bookstore. She turned to look at Severus with pleading eyes, and Snape nodded defeatedly. "Ok, but I think I have to put a timelimit on our visit, I do want to get out of the store before my hair turns completely gray."

With just a quick lunchbreak they made it out in time for dinner. Snape had lost count at how many books they had gotten. But for every book Hermione found that she could not imagine living without, Snape felt a deep satisfaction that he could get her what she wanted. Who knew it could feel so good to make someone else happy.


	13. Chapter 13

Hi my dearies! I appreciate the follows and reviews so much, makes me want to write even more, just to make you happy! :o)

I hope you will all have a wonderful weekend, and now, on to the story...

/C

...

"Severus, Severus!" Hermiones insistant voice came from a corner of the library where she sat with a pile of books around her.

Severus looked up from the book he himself was reading, or trying to read rather infront of the fireplace. "Yes, Hermione, what is it this time? You are quickly becoming the most infuriating woman I have ever known. I have not managed to read three sentences in one row for the last hour or so because you keep finding things to share." It was said with a smile though.

"Yes I know, but you have to hear this. Apparently research by muggleborn wizards and witches indicate that it is possible that it is genetic disposition that regulates if one can learn to become an animagus or not. Isn´t it wonderful that muggle science can be used to explain some of the wizarding worlds mysteries!"

Snape looked at Hermione and shook his head "I know, since the book you are reading is mine, one can assume that I already do know, now let me read in peace woman."

Hermione got a wrinkle in between her brows. "But there are thousands of books in here, you can not have read them all?"

"Off course I have." He said with such directness that it could not be disputed that he had indeed read them all.

Hermione smiled and looked at Severus with a gleam in her eye. "No matter how much you try to hide it Severus Snape, you are the most remarcable, fascinating man I have ever met."

What on another person would be interpreted as a blush appeared on Snapes cheeks, but since it was him, it would have had to be the light playing tricks...

Snape cleared his throat and looked back down into his book. But if anyone would have paid attention, it could be noticed that even without the interruption from Hermione, the page was not turned for several minutes. Finally Snape sighed and shut the book with a bang. "I think we need to get outside for a while. My storages are almost empty when it comes to Mistiltan, and I should start a new batch of antidote cooking soon."

Hermione looked up from her book. "Mistiltan? I don´t think I have heard of that before."

Snape stood up and walked towards the door. "It is only Old English for Mistletoe. I have some growing in an oaktree down by the river. They are especially potent when growing on oaks so it is excellent for the snake venom antidote I am going to make. Many years ago it was in my own interest to perfect that specific antidote, it even saved my life once. It has been used since the Celtic druid times as an ingredient in antidotes actually."

Hermione put her book down as well and followed Snape out the door.

The walk down to the river was silent but pleasant. The sun was shining and there was a slight breeze in the air.

The oaktree was on the other side of the river, a mighty tree that must be many hundreds of years old. It looked like it would be the perfect place to build forts and have adventures in as a child.

Hermione walked up to the riverbank and looked in both directions. There was no bridge in sight where they could cross and she turned back towards Snape with questioning eyes.

One of Snapes rare smiles appeared on his lips as he took out his wand, pointed it at the ground and said an incantation. All of a sudden a patch of grass seemed to thicken and expand. It braided itself in an intricate pattern and grew every second. After a short while a beautiful bridge stood over the river. The pattern looked like Hermiones bed with soft flows and delightful carvings.

Hermione smiled at Snape and looked up in his face before walking out on the bridge tracing her fingers along the woven railing. "Show off" She mumbled with laughter in her voice.

Snapes smile grew wider and he walked over the bridge and up to the tree.

Hermione took a while when crossing and as soon as both her feet had reached the other side of the river the bridge vanished.

Snape stood by the tree with his hands on it. "It is beatiful isn´t it. She has been here long before our grandparents were even born and she just gets more and more glorious each year."

Hermione walked up to Snape and put a hand on his shoulder. "You are such a closet romantic Severus. What makes you refer to it as a female though?"

Snape lowered his voice. "Every thing that is beautiful in the world is female." With that he glanced pointedly at Hermione who blushed and looked down on her feet.

"Well then, let´s get started." Snape said trying to change the subject. He took out a silver knife from his robe and handed it to Hermione. "The Mistletoe has to be cut down without using magic. And since one of us is lighter than the other, guess who gets to climb up in the tree?"

Hermione looked up at the foliage and took a deep breath. Deciding that she was not going to show that she was nervous she bucked up her couraged and took the knife. "A little help to get started?"

Before Hermione knew what happened Snape grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up so that she could put a foot on the lowest branch and swing herself up to the next.

Snape looked on in awe, he had assumed Hermione would have asked him to do it, or at least be a bit apprehensive. Instead she climbed as if she had never done anything else in her life. She was truly remarcable in every way.

"Are these over here ok or should I go higher?" Hermione pointed at a cluster of Misteltoes just a few feet away from her.

Snape put a hand up to shade his eyes while looking up. "Those should be fine. Make sure to cut them as close as you can to the tree withouth hurting the tree itself."

Hermione collected branch after branch and carefully tossed them down to Snape who caught them and put them in a bag he had attached from a low hanging branch next to him. "That is enough Hermione, the bag is full. You can climb down now."

Hermione took a few moments just looking at the view. The house and grounds looked wonderful in the sunlight. It seemed to exude a calm and comfort that just made her feel at home and calm. With a big smile on her face she started to climb down branch by branch. But she was too distracted and suddenly one of her feet slipped on a branch. There was nothing to hold on to and with a scream she fell backwards. From the ground the words "Wingardium leviosa" were shouted out and midfall Hermione felt her fall halter. Slowly like a leaf she fell towards the ground and was caugh in the arms of Snape who put her down on her feet in front of him. "Are you alright?" He asked with a worried face.

Hermione took a breath and felt that she was indeed fine, just a bit out of breath, and that might not have anything to do with the fall but with the two strong hands holding her firmly against an equally firm body. The seconds went by and they just remained there looking at each other, the tension was palpable.

Hermione cleared her throat and looked up at the tree above her. "We are not standing under one branch of Mistletoe but dozens, seems a waste not to show a little homage to it´s present day use."

With that she stood up on her toes and gave Snape a slow kiss on his cheek. As she pulled back she could see both confusion and something else in his eyes, it was like a fire was alight inside of him.

Before she knew what was going on Snape had pressed her even closer to him and lowered his mouth to hers in a crushing kiss. She responded with equal passion and suddenly it seemed like the world around them disappeared, all that remained was them, and nothing else mattered in that very moment. Snape took a step forwards so that Hermione had her back against the treetrunk. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist drawing him in. Hermione felt more than heard a moan coming from Snape vibrating through his body into hers, after a while she did not know if he or she was the one making noices, they turned into one. Snapes lips travelled down to Hermiones throat and he gave her small bites before kissing the same place, it was blissful, and so erotic.

Suddenly Snape started to slow down and stopped entirely before looking up at Hermiones face. He set her down gently and put a hand up against her cheek. "I think I have to stop this before it goes to far."

Hermione looked bewildered and could not understand what he was thinking. "Don´t you want to continue?" She asked with a quiet uncertain voice.

Snapes eyes became soft. "I don´t remember wanting anything more for quite a while. But it feels as if I wold take advantage of you. No matter what you are wishing for right now, a large part of you is missing. When you get your memory back I don´t want you to have any regrets, and this would certainly have been one."

Hermione shook her head "No it would not, how could it be."

Snape took a step back and let go of Hermione. "When your memories of me come back, you will be glad we took this no further." His face looked so sad and Hermione could do nothing but to take his hand and turn towards the house. "Let´s go back Severus, dinner should be served shortly."

Snape swished his wand and the bridge was back again, but somehow it looked less glorious now, it was simply an ends to a mean, a way to cross the river and nothing else. But they did walk hand in hand back to the house. A small voice inside of Snape told him it would probably be the last time she would touch him. Within ten minutes he had experienced perhaps the happiest and saddest moments of his life. He had thought nothing could be worse than losing friends and family, but right now it seemed like every part of his body was hurting, and not out of physical pain.


	14. Chapter 14

It was the day after their Mistletoe gathering and neither Hermione nor Snape had slept much. Both beds remained almost untouched and both bedroom floors had been more than worn.

Finally at four in the morning Snape gave up and went down to his library. It was time to do a little more research, he had to finish with his task at hand. Getting Hermiones memories back had to be done as soon as possible. For every day, every minute even that Snape was around her, he found the thought of not having her around more and more unbearable. If she stayed much longer he would be destroyed when she left, and leave she would as soon as she knew who she was, of that he had no doubt.

After Hermione had her breakfast she brought a cup of tea to Snape who was still in his library with piles of books around him. He looked so tired, and defeated. Hermione assumed that it meant he had found nothing new, but in fact, it was the oposite. Snape knew just what he needed to do now, and the time had come. "Hermione, I hope that today will be our last session. Neither of us can know how you will react to the return of your memories, but it will be for the best to get it all done in one sitting. We both need to get back to our real lives." His voice was so detached and matter of factly that Hermione had to look up in his face. All of a sudden the man she had kissed so passionately yesterday now looked bored and could not wait to get rid of her. It felt like her heart had forgotten how to beat for a second, but then she pulled herself together. If he was going to be cold, she would make damn sure not to show him how much it hurt her. "Let´s get started then, right away." She said with as much composure as she could muster as she sat down on a chair across from the man she was more than furious with at the moment.

Snape produced his wand and said the incantation. Again they were inside the mind library of Hermione. "It is time to go towards the door" Hermione could hear Snapes voice all around her. She knew what door he meant. At the very edge of the library they had slowly worked their way towards there was one door that they had not managed to open yet. Not even come close to even, it was as if there was a forcefield around it. But with determination enough for ten people Hermione brought them closer and closer to the door. Inspite of the sluggishness that came upon them as they came closer Hermione pressed on. And before she knew it she had reached it. It was huge and black, and on it the handle was in the shape of a snake. Hermione reached up to the handle and it came alive as if it had been laying in wait for her. It slowly started to wind itself around Hermiones hand and she could feel herself starting to panic, she was stuck. But before panic had taken over, Hermione could feel Snapes presense coming closer to her, calming her down and giving her new strength. "It is all in your mind Hermione, nothing can physically hurt you here. You are strong enough to overcome this."

Hermione took a deep breath and looked down on her hand, the snake had once again turned into an inanimate handle and with determination she pressed it down. The door felt heavy as she pushed it up, and all she saw was darkness on the other side. But as soon as she had opened the door fully there was the sensation of a hurrocane coming towards her. Every memory from her first eighteen years of life surged back into her conciousness. Flashes of everything from her first day at kindergarden, her mothers homemade cookies to the battle of Hogwarts was seen all in chronological order. Towards the end everything slowed down so that they both could see more and more details. A face appeared that Snape knew only too well. It was a wizard that he had once considered his friend before he realized the extreme sadism and evil that resided within the man, it was Mulciber. The momentum was now almost in slowmotion, and what they both saw was horrific.

Hermione was standing infront of her parents as Mulciber had forced himself into their house. Hermione fought as well as she could, but was no match for the older and furious wizard. He had nothing to lose, his master was dead and the Death eaters disbanded, all he wanted was revenge, and he got it. As Hermione had been forced against the wall with a hex Mulciber threw slicing hexes towards Hermiones parents. Being immobilized Hermione had to watch her parents bleed to death in front of her. As they took their last breaths Mulciber turned back towards Hermione with an evil smile on his face. Slowly he raised his wand towards her and the last thing that was heard was "Obliviate".

A scream broke the silence after the spell had hit Hermione. Snape tried to see where the scream was coming from, but no one in the memory playing in front of him was screaming. Suddenly he realized that it was not a memory, the scream was coming from Hermione. Snape pulled out of her mind as quickly as he could and then again sat in front of her.

Hermione was holding her hands on each side of her face and just screamed out, it was the most heartbreaking sound Snape had ever heard.

Snape leaned forward and tried to pry off Hermiones hands. "Calm down Hermione, please try to breathe." He said as gently as he could. Hermiones head snapped up and looked Snape in the eyes. "Don´t touch me!" she yelled out. Snape quickly let go of her hands and jerked back into his seat.

For once Snape was not sure what to do, he felt a panic rising inside of himself, he could not stand to see Hermione hurting so much, he had to do something.

Snape stood up and grabbed a pouch on the mantlepiece and threw a handful of the contents into the fireplace. "Hogwarts headmistress office!"

The fire grew green and then McGonagalls office was seen through the fireplace. "Minerva!" Snape shouted. A startled McGonagall looked up from a book she had been reading behind her desk. "Severus, what is the matter?" Snape had never contacted McGonagall through the floo before, he had been too guarded with keeping his home a secret, so to see the man from what must be his own home with slight hysterics in his voice shook her to her core. What on earth could be wrong, he had not looked that scared even when he had realized Voldemort was coming back.

Snape motioned to her to come. "Get over here, right now."

McGonagall did not hesitate at all and walked through the fireplace and ended up in Snapes library.

The sight of a screaming Hermione met her and Snape stood next to her looking like a lost boy. "You have to help her, all her memories came back, and I can´t help her. Please do something."

McGonagall hunched down in front of Hermione and put her arms around the now sobbing woman. "Oh Hermione sweetie, calm down my dear." Hermione looked up at McGonagall through her teary eyes and threw her arms around the older womans neck in a tight hug. "It is all so horrible, I can hardly remember how to breathe." McGonagall helped Hermione to stand up and walked her over to the fireplace. "Come with me my dear, let me help you." And with a quick nod towards Snape, McGonagall took Hermione through the fireplace back to Hogwarts.

For what felt like hours Snape just stood there and stared at the fireplace where the two women had disappeared. He felt empty and unable to move. The only thought in his mind was. "She knows who I am now, I will never see her again."


End file.
